By Stanley Collymore
Didn’t I once hear you openly, rather insistently and quite
categorically say that from your own personal point of
view that realistically there was no conceivable way
you’d ever allow yourself to emotionally fall in
love and, furthermore, that being the proud,
independent and strong-minded woman
which you obviously are would you
ever assent, and these were your
identical words: “Physically subvert myself or my
integral being to any living man and in so doing,
and for the rest of my allotted life, become
nothing more than a highly suitable and,
in reality, a typically handy conveyor
belt deliverer of his much desired
and naturally predictable biological offspring;
to whom I would, of course, immediately
and intuitively become the noticeably
appreciative, constantly doting and
ever buoyant mother, while at the
same time and long-sufferingly,
but with no allowed practised
career of my own, regularly
administering at home as his every ready job’s
disaster or career concerns attentive ear, and
all this associated with my painstakingly
choreographed and earnestly socially
encouraged public role as the lace
curtain and fashionable woman
cum loving and dutiful wife.
For as I vividly and somewhat amusingly recall when you
voluntarily of your own accord made that emphatic and
uncompromising statement of yours that seemingly,
essentially and securely, permanently closed the
door and all other options in relation to your
development of any essential or emotional
relationship with anyone of the opposite
gender, even though it was absolutely
clear to anyone possessed of a perceptive brain and
firmly equipped with a competent awareness of
such things that you were not by any stretch
of the most creative of imaginations either
disposed towards becoming or far worst
and in such complex circumstances,
were actually a practising lesbian.
All the same were distinctly a woman who was very much
in your prime, twenty-eight years old at the time, long
out of your distinctly personality-establishing and
teenaged rebellious years, and furthermore at
that age appropriately, as one would quite
unsurprisingly expect, a matured lady
in every respect, who was wise and independently
carving out a career for herself that was wholly
of her own preferring, and whose amazing
progress, exceptional development and
truly magnificent achievement had
nothing whatever to do with the
direct influence or, for come
to that the personal control
of any one-person, other
than of course yourself.
So why then, and out of understandable curiosity
on my part I must confess, did you renege on
essentially everything you formerly and
solemnly said and even persuasively
signposted that you determinedly
believed? And, instead, now
seem to be gratuitously and contradictorily
embracing the identical things that you
once considered were so extremely
antipathetic to the very concept
of the lifestyle you formerly,
distinctly and positively
confirmed to persons
like myself was the
solitary one that
you wanted to
Your right, of course as it is everyone else’s
on whatever matter that infiltrates their
thoughts, to change your mind, as
long as you make the effort to
remember that regardless
of how exciting personal dreams
seem to be, they’re none the
less purely the landmarks
to the permanency of
one’s own reality!
© Stanley V. Collymore
18 October 2017.
Whatever one might think of the biblical story relating to Adam and Eve the good Lord, from my Christian understanding of it, did not impose any divine prescription, which he evidently could have done had he wanted to, that these two individuals should necessarily pair up with each other and therefore rather shrewdly and pragmatically on His part allowed a free choice of a relationship between the two of them, which would basically be a matter entirely of their own. And that’s exactly what occurred, and therefore the consequences of their actions rested solely with themselves.
And it’s the same situation with every one of us. For we’re all of us endowed with a personal brain and the capacity from birth to be able to think for ourselves. Granted that this is clearly a developmental process that can be influenced by others. But ostensibly as one gets older and presumably wiser the choice is still there pertaining to whether as an individual you choose to actually think for yourself and objectively, as a result, make your own informed decisions in relation to all aspects of your personal and professional lives or instead prefer, for whatever reasons, to allow others to do that for you.
But even so, while we all have dreams of one sort or another and are perfectly entitled to live and explore them irresponsibly allowing them to dictate every aspect of one’s everyday life is not only a grave mistake, it’s also the height of folly. And getting emotionally and physically involved with another person for all the mistaken reasons is just as stupid really as assuming that one can cut oneself permanently off from reality and then call that living a normal life.
But a word of caution. Whether you get involved with someone or choose to stay single and unattached that decision, if it’s to really make any sense, should be yours alone. And if you select to become part of a couple that doesn’t necessarily mean or should it in any way make you cease to be the individual that you actually are. Unless, of course, you purposely decide that you want to become another person’s personal doormat!
So do remember, and constantly so, that in everything you personally do individual choice and basic common sense should be your faithful watchword and guiding principle. After all it’s your life! So why let someone, or others, supposedly or arguably, even with the best of intentions, arbitrarily live it for you? Your decision. And the best of luck in making it.
Throughout all this and taking full cognizance of the realization that the intuitive or conscious decision by you not to trust or get personally or emotionally implicated with anyone might in actuality stem from the direct influence of the traumatic experiences you’ve undergone at the hands of sexual predators and/or abusers, whether they’re serial or otherwise, ongoing still or are incidences of the past, while not an abuser myself nor could I ever imagine myself being one far less so permit anybody to ever have taken such a diabolical liberty with me and then because of the power and influence they wield or buttressed by whatever sick reasoning that their likeminded verminous supporters or encouragers can come up with to justify or absolve their vile actions and then have the gall to ludicrously and insultingly posit these as “plausible excuses” and therefore on my part can’t honestly profess, nor would I ever attempt to do so, that I truthfully know how you feel or what it is that you’re personally going through as a result of this onerous travesty of brazen injustice gratuitously inflicted on you, the answer I do know is not to shut yourself permanently away from the consequences of reality that you suffered and in all likelihood still endure.
For in doing so you merely hand victory to your abusers and unwittingly through this de facto process grant them carte blanche to carry on controlling the terms and conditions of your life. And quite honestly after all that they’ve malevolently done is that seriously what you want to happen?