Subject ourselves to austerity? You must be joking; we’re House of Commons MPs!

By Stanley Collymore

Wasn’t asking overpaid, greedy and highly incompetent that the vast majority of the House of Commons MPs are, if they wanted a huge pay rise and then giving them sole authorization to determine that specific conclusion for themselves somewhat analogous to nicely asking a serial and recidivist rapist with clear psychopathic leanings attendant with discernible sociopathic proclivities in the bargain if he savours abducting, degrading and routinely abusing girls and women of all ages.

And when unsurprisingly he honestly answers yes to that question he’s amply rewarded not just by him being given absolute freedom to carry on as before with what he likes doing but also risibly is guaranteed the sole right to personally sanction the escalation of his criminal behaviour with obviously increased impunity combined by a total indifference to any concern about immunity to act at all times as he jolly well pleases, since he knows perfectly well that his sexual inclinations will be tolerably understood by the likeminded and influential among the great and the good; so no need to worry! Snouts in the trough, greedy, considerably self-serving, British politicians to my mind unquestionably and readily fall into the same dissolute category of basepersons I find!

Why on earth would any self-respecting, self-serving, utterly self-centred, House of Commons career-oriented and snout in the trough MP sully his or her conscience – giving them the benefit of the doubt and liberally assuming that individually they do have one, which frankly this writer doesn’t for a solitary moment think is the case or that any of the aforementioned has or is predisposed either genetically or ethically, also providing that they actually know or are in the least concerned as to what that latter word means, to the acquisition by them and naturally in their opinion such a superfluous thing as a conscience, what on earth is that? – or unwarrantedly demean themselves publicly by character-wise ludicrously as they interpret it refusing on rather spurious, insubstantial and also thoroughly specious grounds and similarly unquestionably politically correct notions of supposed “moral principles” asininely turn down a handsome salary increase for themselves?

And furthermore to embark on such an unforgivable thing in deference to the quite spuriously peddled assertion that while they’re financially aggrandizing themselves in this open manner the ordinary plebeians throughout the country aren’t receiving any such increases in their wages. But hang on a second; all but the most dim-witted of these plebeians across the 650 parliamentary constituencies within the UK must know that comparable pay rises for some or all of them at present would be a complete travesty of justice or any semblance of fair play in the current circumstances. Why so?

Because the nation, our precious United Kingdom, can NOT afford and must not cave in, however onerous or persuasive the pressure might be on us MPs, unnecessarily to such overt blackmailing tactics that at the best of times wouldn’t be any credit to our country and much less so at a time of serious and mounting austerity!

However, as for us House of Commons MPs confidently agreeing to and accordingly as well accepting our, and I do believe deservedly so, pay rise that’s not only a clear sign of our thoughtful maturity but also of our collective responsibility as your concerned parliamentary representatives of ensuring that we continue to have the very best minds in parliament to resourcefully and successfully fight this accursed blight of austerity that affects the entire country, that’s you and us, but also in the process to be able to do so effectively, and in order to fully achieve that must be properly rewarded also for our commitment and efficacy. And surely you must admit that nothing in this world of any value ever comes cheaply!

So please spare us the criticisms and don’t devalue the sterling work we’re doing by fixatedly focusing on the money we earn as MPs or equating our salaries and actions to the grasping wishes or unjust demands of those among the public generally or even of our constituents specifically that are either painstakingly and maliciously choosing to deliberately misrepresent what we’re doing or else are persons who while happy to consistently and disingenuously criticise us, your MPs for our alleged avariciousness none the less carefully waste no time when it comes to themselves for perpetually it seems wanting something for nothing.

So at this time of the year symbolizing love, fellowship and peaceful accord please trust the motives and word of your “caring” MP. And as you celebrate St. Valentine’s Day forget about our unimportant salaries as MPs and DOLEFUL thoughts of austerity. Just a joke! All the very best then hopefully, and we say this most sincerely, from your democratically elected House of Commons MPs!

PS: As mitigating circumstances the writer of the above was inadvertently caught up in scientific gravitational waves while medicinally imbibing of a glass of Mount Gay Rum, Barbados’ finest and the world’s oldest and original rum. So the analysis of his comments, which is an indifference to him, is left entirely to your judgement!

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